Ask Kim-Chi: Kanchos, Emotional Vampires, and Twiddling

Noted sourpuss and resident sage, Kim-Chi, addresses issues faced by Ganbatte Times readers.

Dear Kim-Chi,

Recently my elementary students have been trying to kancho me. When I ask the teachers about it, they tell me, “Oh, you are very popular!” but don’t tell me how to stop the assault. How do I get my students to stop sexually harassing me?

Sincerely,

Harangued

Dear Harangued,

Take pre-emptive measures. Kancho them first. I guarantee you there will be nothing more effective than catching your young aggressors off guard.

Dear Kim-Chi,

I’m one of two foreigners in my countryside town. The other girl is nice, but a real complainer. She often gets mad at me for not hanging out with her enough, or accusing me of being unsympathetic when she whines about the same old thing. I try, but the constant “glass half-empty” attitude is really starting to get to me. She’s not my girlfriend. I find myself emotionally drained when I’m around her. However, I don’t speak Japanese, so she’s the only person I can talk to. Help!

Sincerely,

Dealing with Debbie Downer

Dear Dealing,

It sounds to me like you’ve got an emotional vampire on your hands. Combat this negativity and naysay-ery by laying out the straight truth. Obviously your friend may be sensitive, so choose your words carefully. Gently make it clear to her the nature of your toxic, one-sided relationship. Tell her, “I’ve been babying you too much.  All you do is suckle from my emotional teat. You know what? It’s time for you to let ME suckle from your emotional teat.”

Sometimes the truth isn’t very pleasant.

Dear Kim-Chi,

I teach at one high school with six English teachers, but I almost never see the students! I seem to be the designated test-writer and paper-grader. I’ve told the teachers many times that I would be happy to assist them in the classroom, but they usually tell me that they’re teaching grammar and don’t have time for the ALT to visit. I feel like I’m being poorly used in my position. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Thumb Twiddler

Hey Twiddler,

I’ve heard this story a million times. ALTs have too much idle time, and are under utilized at their schools. Let your JTEs know that you would be contributing much more to students’ progress inside the classroom rather than sitting at your desk. Demonstrate to them your wide breadth of knowledge as a cultural and linguistic resource: Be more entertaining. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wooed my teachers with vaudeville renditions of “Hello! Ma Baby.” If you want to cater to a more contemporary crowd, try singing it in Michael McDonald voice. I think this will help foster practical communicative competence in the classroom.

Insincerely,

Kim-Chi

Do you have a question for Kim-Chi? Email her at ganbatte.times@gmail.com or send a tweet to @ganbattetimes.

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